Welcome Baby!

Believe it or not, this was taken only moments after she was born.

First, let me tell you that I had a "natural" (epidural-free) birth.  If you are like most people, you look at me like I am outside my right mind and say, "WHY??"  So let me tell you.

My son's birth was not a good experience.  Don't get me wrong, I fell deeply, madly, ferociously in love with my son the moment that he was laid in my arms.  It was the getting him here that was not the experience I had hoped it would be.  I had elected to be induced when given the option, and the baby nor my body was quite ready.  Then I had a bad reaction to the epidural, and overall I hated all of the gadgets and gizmos, monitors and such that they had me hooked up to.  I struggled with the feeling of being so tied down and out of control of the whole thing.  It went against every natural instinct I had for childbirth.  Then, there was the recovery.  Physically, I had to deal with a backache from the epidural, as well as residual ringing in my ears that lasted for three months.  And then everything with the baby was so hard!  Wes was too skinny (because I was induced too early) and wanted to eat CONSTANTLY all night long.  He was so badly jaundiced that he had to be put on the belibed where he couldn't be held or swaddled and didn't sleep well.  It took weeks to get him to sleep for more than two hours at a time at night.  I had such severe and prolonged sleep deprivation (which in turn led to anxiety and even some depression) that it took almost a year to feel like myself again. 

The bottom line is, I feel like I made a huge trade off in which I got the short end of the deal.  I had opted for medical interventions that were convenient and made the pain go away for a few hours, but then I had to deal with months of awfulness.  And yes, the drugs and interventions used in birth played a big role in that.  Most people don't know (and don't want to know) what they are really getting into when they get epidurals.  I love that we have options and I don't blame any one who likes the drugs, I just don't think people are told the whole story.  This time I decided to deal with the pain of childbirth and make life easier for the weeks to follow.  So here's what happened:

I was due on 10-10-10.  I really hoped she would come by that date because I was sick and tired of being pregnant!  My midwife, Vivian, stripped my membranes the previous Friday afternoon.  All week I had been having contractions every evening for a couple of hours and then they would go away.  I was already 70% effaced and dilated to a 4, so my midwife was sure that stripping my membranes would make me go into labor that weekend. I had contractions on and off all day Saturday... then nothing.  Then Sunday evening I had more contractions, coming faster and stronger for three hours... then nothing.   I was taking black and blue cohosh, evening primrose oil... anything to get me into real labor but nothing was working.

I went back into the midwife on Tuesday, October 12th.  She tried stripping my membranes AGAIN, then told me to go for a long walk then come back at 1pm and they would do it again, if they needed to.  Once I left I started to have irregular contractions, and a long walk to the park with Wes didn't seem to do much.  So I went back at 1.  Vivian stripped my membranes again then said to come back at 5:00 and they would see where things stood at that point.  This time the contractions started coming faster and stronger, and by the time I went back at 5 pm, I had Grant take me because the contractions were strong enough I didn't think driving myself was such a good idea.  Contractions were coming 3 minutes apart, and though they were stronger, they weren't painful .  Vivian checked me and I was dilated to a 5 and now 80% effaced.  She deemed me in "real" labor, since the contractions where regular and progressing things.  Soooo she said we should go right over to Labor and Delivery.

My doula Marie and me with my gigantic belly

Grant and I were both surprised by this turn of events.  We had our bags in the car, but we still had Wes with us and we hadn't really prepared the house for my parents to come and stay with him.  So while I got situated at the hospital, got hooked up to the antibiotic for the strep B, and called my doula (a professional labor assistant), Grant went home to drop Wes at our neighbors while my parents drove up.  Then he hurried to get some things and make it back to the hospital because my contractions were coming 2 minutes apart, and everyone thought I would have the baby before midnight.  My doula, Marie, came at about 8:30, Grant came back and we were ready to go.... except then labor slooooowed waaaaay down.  So Grant and Marie and I started to walk and walk and walk in between monitoring for 15 minutes every hour.  Then around 10:45pm the baby started to move and kick like crazy and somehow it made my contractions come stronger than ever and 2 minutes apart.  We were back in business!....  Or maybe not.  Because pretty soon, things slowed again.  By 2am my midwife said to get some sleep and we would see where things stood in the morning.  Once I went to sleep, labor stopped almost completely. 

I woke at about 5am and I was seriously discouraged.  I wanted that baby to come on her own terms, but my body just wasn't cooperating!  I didn't want to have any interventions, but I also didn't want to be sent home-- still hugely pregnant and uncomfortable and deeply disappointed-- to wait things out.  I felt like it was time, but my body needed a little help.  I wanted to avoid Pitocin because it makes contractions unnaturally strong and painful.  I worried that I wouldn't be able to deliver without pain medication if I was hooked up to Pitocin.  However, after a little consultation with Marie and Grant and my midwife, we decided it would be ok to try a low dose of Pitocin (a "whiff of Pit" as my midwife called it) to try to kick start labor.  The low dose didn't work so I had them turn it up.  Then again.  Then AGAIN.  It was up to a full dose before I even started to feel the contractions.  Then we started walking again.  We walked and talked and walked some more and then, after hours passed, I felt like once I progressed to a 7, it would be ok to break my water and get this baby out! 

It was 11:15am when I was finally dilated to a 7 and effaced 90%.  It was time to break my water.  I was warned that things would change drastically once my water was broken, but nothing could prepare me for what was really coming.  So far labor had been a bit of a snooze-fest.  Contractions had never even become painful thus far, just uncomfortable.  When they broke my water the contractions were so strong and painful that the image that came to mind was that scene from The Princess Bride where the Man in Black is hooked up to the machine that sucks years away from one's life, and Prince Humperdink comes down all in a rage and turns the machine up ALL THE WAY to 50... remember that?  That is what I felt like happened.  It was intense, and hard and HURT.  BUT, the only thing I could think of that would be worse than the pain, would be to try to relax and hold still enough to get an epidural!  It was the Point of No Return.  And this is where having a doula and a fantastic husband were invaluable.  Everything I had planned and practiced went right out the window.  I started moaning and groaning and hollering, and Marie was right there telling me to keep the moans low and deep in my chest.  Interesting, but when I did that, I could feel the baby move further down.  When I started to let the hollering get high pitched, it not only didn't progress anything with the baby, it also made the pain seem worse.  Who knew??

In the heat of labor

Grant was great and being right in my face telling me to look into his eyes which made me feel like things would be ok and I could handle this.  Or he would paint a mental image for me that was just enough distraction to help take the focus off of the most intense part of the pain.  One minute Grant would be right there, the next it would be Marie coaching me on my breathing and moaning, and then I would feel Grant putting a cool wash cloth on my head and neck.  I tried to labor sitting, then laying on my side, then finally moved to all fours.  That was the best position, but my arms got tired, so someone put my birth ball on the bed with a pillow on it for me to lean on.  My midwife and her apprentice wrapped a towel around my hips, and as the contractions peaked they would each pull on an end of the towel to put counter-pressure on my hips.  Nothing takes the pain away, but being in that position, with the towel thing going on, actually seemed to make the contractions shorter and not quite so bad.

After 30 or 40 minutes, the midwife's apprentice checked me and I was still at a 7.  I wanted to weep.  I had another contraction and suddenly I felt intense pressure and an urge to push.  Once I said that, my midwife checked again and I was at a 10...and it only took one contraction to get there!  She said to push as I had the urge.  (I had read about this natural urge to push, but only having experienced the kind of coached pushing that comes with medicated labor, I couldn't wrap my mind around pushing without someone telling me what to do.  But certainly no one had to tell me what to do this time!)  Never have I felt such an overwhelming, primal urge than to bear down and push that baby out.  Even though it hurt like crazy, it actually felt better to push.  The contractions were so strong and fast with the Pitocin that the dreaded "ring of fire" wasn't actually very painful in comparison.  It took about three contractions and 10 minutes of pushing before our baby girl was born at 12:15pm, only one hour after my water was broken.

As I mentioned, I was on all fours, so it was a little complicated to get the baby to me.  First of all, as soon as she slid out, I couldn't catch my breath because suddenly my lungs had tons more space to fill and all the air in the room couldn't seem to fill it.  Then, while I was gasping for air, the only way to hand me the baby was through my legs, but then I didn't have the core strength to turn around and sit on the bed while holding the baby.  It took quite the maneuvering to figure it out and I was sure I was going to drop her.  Finally, I was lying on the bed with my sweet baby girl in my arms while they dried her off and cut the cord.  They took her to finish cleaning her up and to weigh her.  I was so distracted with the pain and over-all obnoxiousness of delivering the placenta and being stitched up (just a tiny tear) that I didn't hear what the baby weighed.  I was floored when they told me: 9 lbs, 4 oz.  Holy smokes!  I did not see that coming!

Once I was all fixed up and they gave my chubby baby back to me to nurse, I was in heaven!  I was euphoric!.  I have never felt so alive, such a rush, and such a sense of accomplishment!  Someone who came to visit later and heard I had a natural birth said, rather sarcastically, "So, did you get a trophy?"  Yes I did, thank you very much.  I got a beautiful, healthy baby girl that was alert and awake, not drugged and groggy.  She has no jaundice.  She is mellow and easy and has slept for four hour stretches at night right from the get-go.  Not only that, but my recovery has been a piece of cake.  Funny how drugs seem to beget more drugs.  I thought I was going to die when my epidural wore off when I had my son.  I needed Percocet immediately and constantly for the next few days.  This time I didn't need anything but an ice pack or two.  Later, when the afterpains started to get to me, I took some Tylenol or Motrin, but only twice and not anything since.  My pain pill prescription is still sitting unfilled on the kitchen table. 

It was so great to be able to immediately stand up and walk around this time.  I could take myself to the bathroom and get cleaned up on my own.  I could walk to the nursery for the baby's first bath.  It was really, really worth one hour of pain for such a great recovery.

My midwife, Vivian Dearden, me holding Allison, and the midwife's apprentice, Laura

Another benefit to no pain medication is that I was able to listen to my body and respond accordingly.  I was talking to my midwife's apprentice the next day and, as I was laughing over the fact that never in a million years imagined I would deliver on all fours, she told me that this baby was pretty darn big, and her shoulders were a little tricky to get out.  One of the common ways to get shoulders un-stuck is to have the woman get up on all fours.  If a woman has an epidural, they obviously can't do that, which often leads to complications, or other interventions like forceps or vacuum (which leads to episiotomy and large tears) and sometimes a c-section is necessary.  All of that was avoided because I was able to do what my body was telling me to do to get that baby out!

Wes meeting his baby sister for the first time.

I am so thankful that my little Allison is here, safe, healthy, and happy!

The End

P.S. If you want to see some great pictures from my doula/photographer extraordinaire, go here.  If you want to read the story from her point of view, go here.